[A version of this post was originally prepared and delivered for The Focus Retreat for writers, put on by the knowledgeable and generous Jonathan Rogers.]
In the Scarritt Bennett Center in Nashville, Tennessee, there is a bell tower. Beneath the bell tower is an archway with words written in stone on either side.
On one side it reads:
Attempt great things for God.
On the other side:
Expect great things from God.
[The bell tower]
I came to the center hoping to make strides on my fantasy novel. I was a little nervous, but I tried not to assume too much. That was good, right? Keep expectations low and see what happens. I brought a piece of the novel I’d already outlined and written to death several times. This time I would do my darndest to write the best version of it I could, but it would be arrogant and foolish to assume I’d be blessed with bolts of inspiration. The appropriate thing to do would be to simply show up for the work and whatever I put in, I'd get out of it. I thought that meant I had no expectations. That was not true.
I brought expectations, and they were entirely the wrong ones. I came with expectations of how I would perform. Expectations of self-reliance. I came expecting great things from myself.
My room in Gibson Hall overlooked the “Labyrinth Field.” It’s a 7-circuit path outlined with bricks embedded in the dirt, with only one way in and out, and a stone in the very center.
On the first day of the retreat, I took turns between writing and ponderously staring out my window (looking Quite Authorly, I’m sure). From my vantage point, I saw a few of the other retreat attendees walk the Labyrinth. I was slightly amused, because what I saw was individuals doing a lot of methodical pacing and walking in circles. I wondered if I had signed up to a retreat with crazy people.
The second afternoon of the retreat, I needed to get out for a walk to ponder the chapters I was rewriting. I found myself at the Labyrinth. At first I felt rather silly. As I made the first two rounds, I thought "Someone is probably looking out their window at me and thinking, that must be a crazy person." Maybe I had best get back to writing.
[The Labyrinth. And a tumbleweed cardboard box.]
But I had a lot to ponder and pray over. Something was not working about how I was approaching this rewrite. The storyline was happening too fast and I needed to spend more time in the details. But, for me, the details were boring. I wanted to skip to the adventure and the derring-do. I was writing a fantasy novel, after all! I wanted my characters to skip the details of faithfully taking one step at a time until the action gradually built into a climax. I wanted to avoid wading through the difficult and the mundane and the part that made me despair of ever finishing the book. Middles are perilous things.
Somewhere in what I just said to you, I stopped talking about my characters and I started talking about me. There I was on a Monday afternoon, trying to skip being faithful to the character motives, faithful to the slow, honest unfolding of the plot, and faithful to the work of worship through writing.
But the retreat gave me space and time and beauty to begin to slow down and be okay with not having it all figured out: space to lay it all out on the table before God.
Faithfulness to God can sometimes feel like walking in circles, never getting to the center. As I walked the Labyrinth, I discovered that I was walking away from the center almost as often as I was walking towards it. At first, I thought I’d gotten mixed up.
Sometimes it feels like we're doing the same thing in our walk with the Lord. Our lives are full of plot twists. I learned in the Labyrinth that sometimes I need to walk away from the goal to get closer to it - sometimes, I need to delete whole chapters and rewrite scenes from a different character's perspective. I need to hit backspace a lot to ever reach those much anticipated words: The End.
Faithfulness to God in our line of work is not often glorious. It can be lonely. It can feel like picking off a scab - it hurts but I don't know why I can't quit! And, it can sometimes feel as if we're getting nowhere at all.
But we will.
We’ll arrive at the center some day, and when we look back we will do so with surprise and amazement. We will see that we've been on the path the whole time, even on the turns that took us further away from our goal.
So. Keep writing. And while you write, remember that there is one expectation that you can never set too high: Expect the faithfulness of God, and expect to be surprised. Be faithful to put your hand to the plough and plant in seedtime. Expect the faithfulness of the rain sending, of the sun warming, and of the flowers that will grow from it. He is as sure as the coming of spring after winter. Expect the faithfulness of God, and act on it. The best storyteller is still writing stories. He's not finished with yours. So keep writing, and keep walking.
